Of Pleasure Palaces and Stupid Hats
by AerynSG1
Summary: Carter loses control when she goes into withdrawal.


Of Pleasure Palaces & Stupid Hats

By Aeryn

Related Episode: The Light

Notes: I loved this scene, with Carter acting so out of character and Jack's reaction to that. I wanted to extend it. I fudged some of the dialogue and the sequence of events. Enjoy!

* * *

They were trudging along the rocky beach, trying to find out what had happened to Loran's parents, although at this point, Carter thought, she really didn't give a damn. 

"This sucks," she muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What is it, Carter?"

She sighed in irritation. She didn't want to be around anyone, much less talking to anyone. She hated everybody. And HE was irritating her the most.

As usual.

"I guess the reality that we may never go home is setting in," she said, grudgingly.

"Oh, Hammond'll keep us supplied with everything we'll need until we can figure this out," O'Neill said.

Until I figure it out, she thought resentfully.

"Be a good excuse for you," she mumbled.

"Huh?"

"To do nothing for a while."

"What?" He sounded shocked. She felt oddly satisfied.

"Forget it."

"That would be 'Forget it, SIR!'"

"Oh please," she said, tone derisory. "You think I'm keeping that up if we're stuck here forever?"

Like she was going to call him 'sir' for the rest of her life, she thought. Yeah, right.

"Listen, Major," he said, growing angrier by the minute.

"No way."

"That's 'No way, COLONEL!'" he barked.

"I'm supposed to accept that? That's the way it's gonna be?"

"That's the way it is!"

"What difference does it make? It's not up to you!"

He grabbed her by the lapels. "Carter! You're in withdrawal!"

She took hold of his jacket. "Oh, I'm in withdrawal?"

"Yes!"

"Well, so are you! And you know what else?"

"THAT'S WHAT ELSE, SIR!"

"Know what else, SIR?" she said mockingly. "That's a stupid hat."

"What!?"

She released his jacket and flicked the brim of his hat. "Stupid."

"This is military issue! And besides, I've seen YOU wear the same hat a time or two!"

"Only when I absolutely had to. It's stupid. We're not on safari, Jungle Jim," she said. She poked him, hard, on the shoulder.

He gasped. "Did you just POKE me!?"

"Yes."

Poke. Poke, poke, poke.

"Carter, you're treading on dangerous ground here," he said, warningly.

Poke.

"Stop that! I'm ORDERING you to stop that!"

She reached up and pulled his hat down over his head as low as it would go, then pulled the drawstring in front so tight that it started cutting off his circulation. His face reddened.

"Carter, so help me . . ." he muttered, ripping the hat from his head and stuffing it in his pocket.

Poke.

"Okay, that's it! I'm writing you up! Insubordination!"

"Pfffft. Fine, go ahead. What're they gonna do, come all the way out here to court-martial me?"

Poke.

"Laying hands on an officer!"

"You big baby!"

"That's 'You big baby . . . sir . . ."

He faltered, realizing he was running out of zingy comebacks. Must be the withdrawal, he thought.

Poke.

"Dammit, Carter!"

And he poked her back. She gasped.

"Assaulting a subordinate!" she yelled.

"An INsubordinate!"

"Idiot!"

"Know it all!"

"Moron!"

"Shrew!"

Teal'c, a few yards ahead of them, had turned at the sound of raised voices and was watching with bemused interest. An eyebrow arched when he saw Carter and O'Neill start a ridiculous looking slap-fight, very similar to the kind he had seen on episodes of 'Laverne & Shirley."

He began to walk back towards them, watching as O'Neill again grabbed Carter by the lapels.

"What you need, MAJOR," he yelled. "Is to cool off!"

And with that he flung her into the icy surf.

She emerged, spluttering and shivering and fire in her eyes, only to find O'Neill standing conveniently behind Teal'c, peeking over his shoulder.

"You bastard," she muttered, trying to wade out of the water, the weight of her sodden clothes causing her to stumble.

"Major Carter," Teal'c said, grabbing her arm gently as she tried to reach around him in some vain attempt to kick O'Neill's ass.

"You should return to the palace and warm yourself. O'Neill and I will continue the search."

She glared at O'Neill, who was still hiding behind Teal'c's broad body.

She shuddered hard. She was fucking freezing.

"Fine," she muttered, teeth chattering, and began stomping back up the beach in the direction of the palace.

Teal'c turned to O'Neill.

"What?"

Silence.

"What!?"

More silence.

"Oh, all right! Fine!" O'Neill said, and turned to follow Carter back to the palace.

* * *

Daniel looked up as Carter entered the chamber. "Sam! What happened?"

"Shut up, Daniel," she muttered, striding off into the depths of the palace.

He looked at her, puzzled, then returned to his work.

Then came O'Neill. "Jack! What the hell-"

"Shut up, Daniel," he muttered, following Carter.

Daniel shrugged. "Withdrawal," he murmured to himself.

* * *

Carter stalked the long corridors, kicking open the doors to different rooms, hoping to find a place warm, and preferably with a bed.

Finally, she found it. A room, sumptuously decorated and, most importantly, a gigantic bed with what looked like a duvet covered in a blue, silk-like material. She quickly stripped out of her wet clothes and slid into the bed, shivering and cursing O'Neill for all she was worth.

And suddenly he was there, standing over her, somehow managing to look angry and remorseful and slightly embarrassed at the same time.

She flung a forearm over her eyes. "For Christ's sake," she muttered. "Can't you leave me alone for five minutes!?"

He sighed in exasperation and sat beside her on the bed.

"It's the withdrawal, Carter!"

"I KNOW THAT!"

"You've got to learn to control it!"

She sat up, clutching the covers to her chest. O'Neill realized to his immediate discomfort that she was nude.

"I don't HAVE to control anything! I'll get the stupid light fixed and we can all go home! But right now, I AM NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS BED AND NOTHING YOU SAY OR DO WILL MAKE ME!"

He brought his face close to hers.

"You'll do what I say, Carter."

"I won't."

"You will."

"Power trip."

"What?"

"You're on some kind of weird power trip. Getting your kicks out of telling me what to do."

"It's NOT a power trip! It's the way things work!"

She flopped back into the bed, pulling the covers up tight. "Well, Mr. I've Got the Power, it's not the way things are going to work here."

"Carter . . ."

"Shut up! Go away! Let me warm up! Let me sleep!"

"I will NOT go away!"

She screamed in frustration.

"Stop screaming!" he hissed.

"Stop telling me what to do!"

And suddenly they were kissing, fierce and hungry.

They broke apart, panting, glaring at one another.

"Stop kissing me!"

"No, YOU stop kissing ME! That's an order!"

And they were kissing again, O'Neill's hand sliding slowly beneath the covers to stroke her skin.

She gasped. "Stop doing that," she said softly.

"You're freezing," he said.

"And whose fault is that?"

"Shut up. I'm sorry."

He stood and began to strip.

"Don't you DARE!"

"It's my responsibility as a powermongering officer to take care of my team."

"By getting naked? Do that for Daniel and Teal'c, do you?"

"Ha. Funny."

He slid into the bed.

"Jack O'Neill, don't you dare climb on top of me like that."

"Major Carter, quit running your fingernails down my back."

"Stop . . . touching me there."

"You stop touching ME . . . there . . . ah, FUCK! Never mind, carry on."

"DON'T MAKE LAUGH WHEN I'M PISSED AT YOU!"

"Sure. Whatever you say. Hey, what's this?"

She groaned.

"Like that?"

"No," she whispered, but she was smiling, finally.

* * *

Much later, they lay side by side, quiet.

They looked at one another a long while.

"I'm sorry," he said. "About earlier."

"Me, too."

He was silent for a while.

"So, what now?" she asked.

"Well, in the words of Keith Partridge, I think I love you."

She giggled in spite of herself.

"I think I love you, too."

"And when we get back?"

"Well, what are we so afraid of?"

He snorted. "Enough with the Keith Partridge."

"I don't know, we're gonna be here a while."

"Long time, probably."

"It'll take me a LONG time to figure out how the light works."

"True, true."

They grinned at each other.

"Let's worry about it when we get home. And do this some more."

She smiled. "Deal."

He pulled her against him, exhaustion overtaking them both. Sleep crept up slowly.

"Jack?" she whispered, eyes closed.

"Mmm?"

"That really is kind of a stupid hat."

He pinched her lightly.

"Shut up. That's an order."

She grinned.

"Yes, sir."

And they slept.

The End


End file.
